Twitter Wisdom

Joel Osteen ?@JoelOsteen
It’s not enough to just pray. It’s not enough to just believe. You have to demonstrate your faith.

Selah ?@aThumper
When U find yourself getting irritated with someone, try 2 remember that all men R brothers... & just give them a noogie or an Indian burn.

Selah ?@aThumper
RT @gneicco According to a recent poll, 4 out of 5 horses like to gallup.

Selah ?@aThumper
If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.

Patty Maloka ?@malokap
"@speedprayers: God help us to show others our Faith in loving deeds patient moments and honest living~IJN Amen"

buzardbaite ?@buzardbaite
@JuanitaBerguson they have gaypride blackpride hispanicpride days but don't have white pride anything Bcause youd be raceist!!!

Church Curmudgeon ?@ChrchCurmudgeon
Just got my ears pierced! Accidentally walked into worship team rehearsal with my hearing aid turned up.

Church Curmudgeon ?@ChrchCurmudgeon
Bet you didn't know that Wyatt Earp was a composer. Not a great one, but he could shoot out an okay chorale.

Church Curmudgeon ?@ChrchCurmudgeon
Are you SURE Instagram isn't a speed dating service for seniors?

Church Curmudgeon ?@ChrchCurmudgeon
Everyone keeps talking about this Photo Shop, but no one can tell me how to get there.

Church Curmudgeon ?@ChrchCurmudgeon
I'm not saying our baptistry's cold, but I think I just saw the church mouse ice skating.

Church Curmudgeon ?@ChrchCurmudgeon
@JDanielBoyce Might want to check the settings on your autocorrect. And you shouldn't twerk your pastor.

Church Curmudgeon ?@ChrchCurmudgeon
These days, if you ask a pastor when he received his call, he'll look at his phone.

Church Curmudgeon ?@ChrchCurmudgeon
Sure, padded pews are nice, but the Hot Wheels don't roll the way they used to.

Church Curmudgeon ?@ChrchCurmudgeon
Putting speakers in the restroom does not count as multiple venues.

Church Curmudgeon ?@ChrchCurmudgeon
Worship team practice cancelled. Worship leader got stuck on lather, rinse, repeat again.

Church Curmudgeon ?@ChrchCurmudgeon
That feeling when you see some punk 55-year-old eating a Senior Slam like he's earned the right. . .

Church Curmudgeon ?@ChrchCurmudgeon
It would be easier for the congregation to lip-sync if they'd put the right words up.